i'm an embarrassment who will surely perish soon.

going to have to get a colonoscopy at the young age of 30. on top of that, i'm just not feeling great at the moment. fatigue, brain fog (worse than usual), tenderness, weakness, and the looming operation and visits i'll have for the next year or so. smh. also, stop with the whole "fellows" thing at clinics: i want the top dawg listening to my issues. speaking of which, i left out a few points i wanted to make and i also had one slightly counter point to make to one of their points...smh. on top of that, the timing of everything yesterday, the hectic nature of it all, actually led me to the love of my life outside of a gas station on my way home. i wanted to speak to her, i even doubled back, and then triple backed past the station when i decided i would go for it. she was gone on the triple back despite it being maybe 45 seconds after the double back. fuck me. cuck me...